caleb (cal333) wrote in thechronicles,

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new here

hi all, i'm new here. my name is caleb, and i'm a little tranny boy from massachusetts. i'm married to a wonderful woman, but i have another love, and i'm looking for some advice about how to handle my situation.

background: i met susan when i was a junior in college. she was one of my professors, and we immediately hit it off. she had just had a brain tumor removed, and i was just diagnosed with one, so we were able to comfort and support one another. we became very emotionally involved -- nothing too physical ever happened (just a lot of general touchy-feely stuff), and nothing was ever mentioned about what was going on. she was in a committed relationship with a man she had been dating for 25 years, and i was her student, so nothing realistic could happen between us. after a year, i met dana (my wife), and fell deeply in love with her. when that happened, i put my feelings for susan aside. i tried to make them go away, but they've always been there. dana has known this, and has stayed with me anyway. she now wants me to explore my feelings for susan, and so that's why i'm here.

susan and i keep in touch pretty regularly, emailing back and forth at least once every two or three weeks. we see each other rarely, but we are still close. in fact, she was the officiant at our wedding ceremony. i told her once that i had been in love with her a long time ago. she sort of changed the subject, and said she was flattered, but nothing was discussed. i'm now thinking that i need to tell her how i feel right now. i don't realistically think that anything will come of it, but i still feel the need to be honest with her. i could risk losing her completely by telling her, since she has a lot of issues with emotion, especially when it comes to me, but it seems like a risk i need to take. i want to be honest with her and myself, and i'm not sure i can do that if i keep all this hidden away forever.

do any of you have any advice for a victim of unrequited love? should i tell her and come clean, or should i keep it to myself?

any thoughts would be most appreciated. thanks in advance...
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